Domestic Violence Awareness....

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Violence in the family and in relationships has existed throughout history, but only in the last 30 years has domestic violence been recognized in intimate relationships. It was during the 1970's that the first shelters and services for battered women were established. Research suggests that nearly 25 percent of women will experience some sort of abuse in an intimate relationship and that 10 percent of those women will suffer from severe abuse. Domestic violence is considered a problem rooted in society and not in individuals. All social workers should recognize and understand the complex economic, emotional, cultural, and societal factors that keep women and family members in violent situations.

For more information regarding domestic violence awareness month, please go to: http://www.ncadv.org/

What is Abuse? - A Warning List

Many women don't think of themselves as abused. They may not think of themselves as battered. Many victims don't see the things their partners do to them as abusive, and they don't see them as a pattern.

Abuse is about control. It is one person scaring another person into doing what he wants her to do. It is not just one hit. It is a pattern. Abuse can be physical, emotional, sexual, economic. It can also be criminal. It is usually a whole series of behaviors used to get and keep control.

Here is a list of questions for you to ask yourself.
You don't need to answer yes to all of them to have been abused.

Has your partner ever...

Hit, grabbed, choked, bitten, burned, slapped or pushed you?
Used a gun or a knife or some kind of weapon against you?
Hit you with some object like a bat or pan or belt?
Hit, held or squeezed you so hard that it left a bruise?
Threatened to hurt or to kill you or your children or your friends?
Withheld money or food or medicine or transportation from you?
Called you names, made you feel ashamed of yourself, humiliated you?
Put you down in front of your children, your friends, your boss?
Forced you to have sex when you did not want to?
Forced you to perform sexual acts you did not want to?
Destroyed or broken your possessions?
Threatened to harm or kill himself if you do or don't do something?

Posted from: "Domestic Violence Handbook"

I Got Flowers Today

I got flowers today....I got flowers today
It wasn't my birthday or
any other special day.

We had our first argument
last night, and he said a lot of cruel things
that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and
didn't mean the things he said
because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.
It wasn't our anniversary or
any other special day.

Last night he threw me into
a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare
and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry,
Because he sent me....flowers today.

Last night he beat me up again.
And it was much worse then
all the other times.
If I leave him what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I'm afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry,
because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.
Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night he finally killed me.
He beat me to death.
If only I had gathered enough courage
and strength to leave him.
I would not have gotten flowers today.

Copyright: Sept 91
Allen "Two Trees" Dowdell

A little of the background for "I Got Flowers Today"

In Oct of '91, the author wrote the poem 'I Got Flowers' for a friend. Her husband was about six feet tall, she was 5' 2" and blind. She not only didn't know when the next incident would occur, she couldn't even see the blows coming when it did. I did not write the poem to win her, but to gether to find the strength to get out of that situation. She is now well, alive and my wife. Allen "Two Trees" Dowell (Scotland).